My Old Waist

When the girls were about five years old, we went shopping at East Hills Mall.  I don't like to shop and tend to get a little cranky when forced to the mall.  (Key word is "little" - others in my family might disagree)  I don't like to shop for clothes!  I like some stores: fabric stores, antique stores, book stores and craft stores.  I just don't like clothing stores.  And I will NEVER understand people who like to spend a day at the mall just looking around and trying clothes on for the fun of it!

Anyway, we were standing in a long line at JCPenney and I pulled out my driver's license hoping to speed up the checkout process when it finally became my turn.  I was trying to keep the girls entertained, but soon they were entertaining the other people in line. (It's lucky for them I can't remember which one of them made "the comment" that started the entertainment!)

As they looked at my picture on my driver's license, one of the girls said, "Mommy, don't you wish you could have your old ______ back?"

I inserted a blank here for a reason.  As I often do, I was anticipating how to respond to the comment before it was completely uttered and before I had a chance to really think about what had been uttered.

The girls had been admiring the long, silky hair of the woman in front of us for quite some time.  Their hair was short and thin and they would often tie scarves around their heads pretending the scarves were long hair.  Since, I had just cut my hair short a few months after the driver's license pictures was taken.  I knew the comment involved hair.  This is what I thought I heard:

"Mommy, don't you with you could have your old hair back?"

That was not what she said.  I realized that as snickering women turned to look at me.

What she really said was, "Mommy, don't you wish you could have your old waist back?"  It was so embarrassing to have everyone in the area take a gander!

I made some lame comment about how our bodies change when we have children and as we age, and of course I gave them "the look."

Ten years later, not only do I not have my "old" waist back, I don't have the waist I had ten years ago!  And do, I am inviting you on my journey....

Growing up, I was always the "little one" and I could eat whatever was placed in front of me.  While other girls were thinking of diets, I did not.  Everyone said my body would change after the birth of my first child.  I gained twenty-two pounds and lost all of it within a week.  Much to my delight and the disdain of a few...  I didn't fare as well with my second child.  I gained thirty-three pounds and because it didn't bother me, I carried an extra fifteen pounds for about two years.

I struggled with my weight about fifteen years ago, but was able to exercise and get back to a healthy weight.

And now, I find myself forty pounds heavier than I should be.  I've spent a lot of time thinking about how I got to this point.  I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about five years ago and was taking a lot of medications.  Then my father was diagnosed with lung cancer.  Until today, I hadn't realized the effect that had on my weight.  This battle was a long, stressful one and I realize I ate when I was sad.  I ate when I was taking him for his chemo treatments and I ate when I was sitting at the hospital.  Naturally, what I ate was not healthy.  I chose fast and convenient.  I chose junk.

So here I am.  I've returned from a week in Mexico and while I took most of the pictures on the trip, a few were taken of me.  I deleted almost all of them.  Why?  Because I didn't recognize myself in them.  I didn't want to look long enough to face the fact that the image I saw was really me.

I need accountability.  I need you and your encouragement.  And I'm hoping that if you identify with what I am struggling with and would like to join me, that you'll send me a message or give me a call.  We could be doing this together.  Supporting each other.

Monday morning, I decided to get my eating habits under control.  I did a great job on Monday!  Tuesday, I ate at a Chinese buffet and I did as we all do at buffets - I "ate my money's worth" until I was uncomfortable.  But more than that, I was ashamed of myself for getting off track so soon.  That's when I decided to allow you to follow along with my progress.

Blessings to you and yours,
Debbie