Today would have been my father's 72nd birthday. It's been a melancholy sort of day...I wanted to find a picture of my dad for today's blog entry and instead of looking for a couple of minutes, I went through all of our picture albums...next thing I knew three hours had gone by...obviously I wasn't taking a quick peek and moving on. Then, I watched a movie with the girls...it made me cry. So, I decided to get out of the house and get to work in my sewing room.I was certain that I could get my thoughts together as I worked, but I was wrong. I miss my dad and it doesn't matter what I'm doing or where I'm doing it. Everything reminds me of him...I'd like to share a few of those reminders.
Dad,
I was going through some pictures today and wondered...Do they tolerate hillbilly costumes in heaven? Do they let you tell "Whoppers" about the fish you caught or the bear you wrestled? You were so onery, everyone who knew you would agree to that, you loved to make people laugh. I remember stories you'd tell about pranks you pulled while working at Rockwell. Orville Calhoon and some guy you called Igloo seemed to be your favorite targets when I was small. I don't remember you playing practical jokes on us at home, but I do remember how you enjoyed embarrassing Sandy with your hillbilly wardrobe. Knowing how it upset her, just made you want to do it more. And, you have to admit some of your hats and wigs were over the top! It takes a pretty secure man to show up at a costume party dressed as a woman. You were secure, that's for sure. From you I learned that we shouldn't worry so much about what other people think about us. "Here I am, take me or leave me." That was your motto and I admired that about you. I am who I am, because of you and Mom. Not everyone may identify with my personality and my view on life, but that's okay. Thank you.
I went to the kitchen to get my thoughts together and thought of you, Dad. Remember how crazy Mom would get when you decided to "experiment" in the kitchen? You were always clipping recipes from magazines and newspapers and of course, you had to make them better - they always needed a little something extra. I thought it was funny when I'd walk into the house and see that you had used every bowl, pot, skillet and measuring device available. It was funny because I didn't have to clean up the mess. I know eventually you got better at cleaning up your messes before Mom got home, but my favorite memory of you in the kitchen is one where the tabletop, the bar, and all the countertops were covered with dirty dishes. By the way, thanks for your recipes!
I went outside and saw the horses. Of course, you know what they reminded me of - you, me, Black Jack and Goldie. I know I apologized before for laughing each time you fell off Black Jack. As a child and teen, I didn't appreciate that pain is felt differently when you are older and that it takes a little longer to recover. Some of our best times together when I was a teenager were spent horseback riding. Thank you for buying a horse for my birthday and thank you for riding with me. And more than anything, thank you for sharing with me your love for horses. I've passed it on to three out of four kids and it looks like your great-grandkids are on their way...
I moved your electric guitar, your bass guitar, and all of the music while I was cleaning in the spare bedroom. I don't have a harmonica...I need to ask Mom about them (you had so many). I was thinking about the harmonicas and your guitars when I looked at family pictures later today. Remember how crazy Mom and Sandy would get when you started playing your guitar? Even now, I am laughing out loud as I remember Sandy stomping off to her bedroom and closing the door, a little louder than necessary, so she wouldn't have to hear you playing for me! I loved to hear how you'd progressed and I loved to hear you sing while you played. But, in all fairness to Mom and Sandy, I wasn't listening to you practice for hours at a time. We've always shared a love for music haven't we? Some might think it strange that I love to belt out Merle Haggard's song "I Turned Twenty-One in Prison," but nobody's gonna stop me! Merle Haggard, George Jones, Conway Twitty...I love the old country songs because of you. I still sing Patsy Cline when no one's around to roll their eyes at me. Thank you for sharing your love of music with me.I don't think I appreciated how much of who I am is because of what you shared with me. Thank you.
I wish we could sing "The Green, Green Grass of Home" one more time...What if I start singing and you join in?
It was nice to read about your relationship with your dad and what you learned and remember about him. My relationship with my dad was not always a pleasant memory, he was an alcoholic when I was young and there was alot of bad memories of that, that I held onto as I got older and missed many years that I should have been spent with my parents. The last few years of his life I did see him more and my children did get to know him. But because I could not let go of the bad memories of when I was young, I was never physically hurt, just emotionally, I missed years with my father as well as those years with my mother who developed alzheimer's shortly after his death. She is still living, but in a nursing home and is slipping away more and more each month. It does my heart good to read about the good times you had with your father. Enjoyed your blog.
ReplyDeleteBonnie,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you got to spend time with your father before it was too late.
The only relationship that won't disappoint is our relationship with our Heavenly Father. We let others down and they let us down - we are all part of a fallen world.
Your past can make you a better parent and grandparent, if you allow yourself to learn from mistakes others have made.
Loved reading the memories you have of your dad. Don't ever let those die - share them with your family so his legacy lives on in their lives.
ReplyDeleteHe was a wonderful man - I'll never forget the story he used to tell me about when I played basketball on the boys team. The boys on his team were scared to play against me "how do you guard a girl?!" He said he always told them to "guard her like you would guard anyone else!" Other memories of him include LOTS of laughter when I would spend time at your house.
Dads are certainly special people God gives to help guide us through life. I know you miss him; I know I sure miss mine :(.
Thank you for that Kim. I do remember how intimidated the boys at JU-4 were when they found out they were going to be playing with a GIRL. I so admired you...
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your memories Deb, and thanks for my good cry! I miss your dad as well. I always thought he was so funny, I could never understand why Sandy would get so annoyed with him when he wanted to have a conversation with me or ask about Mom and Dad, but I probably reacted the same way with my parents. LOL It meant a lot to me that he called me a couple of times before he passed. It was a very pleasant surprise each time. I know that though he is gone he is smiling down on you, and is very proud of the woman, wife, mother and grandmother you have become.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this blog, it is a timely one and reminded me it had been a while since I had written my dad! Every few months since he died I stop and write a letter to him telling him of the things that have happened, I looked on the computer and found it had been many months instead and I have lots to catch him up on. It sure is a releif to be able to let he and my mother know that I am well and their legacies live on...
ReplyDeleteJeni - Dad was very fond of you. Did you know he's the one who got Marlin started calling you by the nickname you hated so much? You do remember, don't you?
ReplyDeleteI'll see you in the spring - I know you'll be back for your grandma's 100th birthday!
Just so you know, your comments made me cry - so that makes us even!!!
Jennifer, Isn't it amazing how healing the writing process is? To be able to express the thoughts we may have been unable to verbalize is powerful. My dad wrote a few short notes to me before he died, to me they are true treasures!
ReplyDeleteI need to write letters to my grandchildren - present and future. I've been thinking about it, but now is the time to act!
It was so nice to read about your Dad. He was a great guy and always had a smile on his face. Enjoyed being a part of the family......
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - Thank you for your kinds words. I've gotta say, you've got me curious...wanna send a private note so we can talk?
ReplyDeleteThat nick-name must have been so traumatic, because I don't remember it (HAHA!), but I do remember Marlin teasing me incessantly when I would see him. I may regret this, but what was that name again? :)
ReplyDelete