Raising Girls in a Narcisstic Culture

Raising teenagers has never been easy.  As hormones take over our sweet children, they become uncharacteristically moody and we must wait until their early twenties for them to be real  people capable of carrying on a conversation without heavy sighing and rolling their eyes.

Today's teenage girls are inundated with images that have the potential to destroy their self-esteem.  Pop stars in barely there outfits, teen television personalities flaunting their sexuality and in some cases, their parents are not only aware of the behavior, they are encouraging it!

Each new generation of parents worry about what their children are going to be faced with as they enter middle and high school.  "It's a lot worse now than it was when we were teenagers," is a common remark.  So is, "Kids today face so much more pressure and are exposed to so much more than we were at their age."  

I am certainly not discounting these concerns, but I am wondering if we should spend more time preparing our children and less time lamenting?

I have been talking to my girls for a couple of years about making a "husband list."  At fourteen, they are beginning to see the seriousness of issue.  "He has to be taller than me," is no longer on the list, neither is "He has to be cute."  So, what should be on the list?

We started with Job 31:4-30 and talked about personal qualities that were non-negotiable:

1. He must be a Christian who lives his faith, he has to "walk the walk, not just talk the talk."

2. He must be compassionate.
3. He must be generous.

4. He must be respectful of me and my family and friends.  

5. He must love me for me, not for who he thinks I will be.

6. He must bring my mother pink roses and banana cream pie.

Okay, that last one didn't make the list, but the first five are set in stone.  My hope would be that every young girl creates a husband list and starts with our list.  My daughters have each added to their initial list based on their personalities.  For example, one girl wants a man who likes horses, both girls want a man who likes music.

My frustration with my daughters and other girls their age is with their perceived need for a male counterpart.  My girls aren't old enough to date, but they still feel the need to have a boyfriend in order to fit in with other teens.  They feel lonely if they aren't in a relationship.  Why is that?

Have you ever watched television?  Find a show featuring teenagers that doesn't portray the unattached teen as a loser.   And of course, there are other pressures.  Girls feel the pressure to be popular, to be thin, to do well in school...  Again, these pressures come from television and other sources.

Deep within each of us, God has created a desire to be the best person we can possibly be.  The problem is, too often young women look to popular culture to define what best is.  The Bible clearly defines best in Proverbs 31: 10-31.

My challenge to you is this:  If you haven't talked with your daughter about what to look for in a husband, do it now.  Do it before she finds herself in a troublesome relationship.  I honestly believe the divorce rate could be drastically reduced if we talked with our daughters about choosing a godly man while they were young.  If you wait until they are actually dating, you may find yourself fighting a much harder battle.

How do you initiate the conversation with your daughter if she's not yet old enough to date?

How do you initiate the conversation with your daughter is she's already dating?

I will do my best to answer those questions in a future blog.  If you would like to see additional mother/daughter issues addressed, please comment below.  I'm wondering if you'd like to discuss how to prepare your daughter for puberty and how to talk with your daughter about intimacy.  

Blessings to you and yours,

Debbie